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CZT More than anything else. For all the lost words trapped between my teeth and underneath my tongue  |
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1:55 am |
20110307 I'd very much cry buckets, mope around and wallow in self-pity for all my life if i can. But i dont want to. I'm disappointed. The extent of such disappointment is inexplicable until you receive your own results, knowing you have not met ANY of your own expectations, seeing everyone doing WAY better than you when you know you could be one of them and the realization that your future is in a huge mess now that you are faced w even more uncertainties than before. At the end of the day, the hardest part will be coming to terms with it and accepting it the way it is because truth is, what are we? Powerless little beings. Self evaluation comes in and there you'll see what went terribly wrong. It all happened for a reason and no, it's not an act of the God, not about Him having his plans for you (sorry, im not a really religious person here) but about one thing. Hard work. Which i terribly and most unfortunately did not possess at the final lap. When everyone was in their full gear all ready for their battle, I'm only halfway there in putting on my suit. I see it so clearly that i expected it at the back of my head way before but still, i held onto some hopes that maybe, just maybe a miracle would happen. Nadah, zilch. Got the answer. The hard way. Twice. Once 7 years ago and now. Talk about learning from your mistakes... OH WELL. You get what you deserve. Picking myself up now with the very first step of fucking stop comparing results because it's just gonna make me even more miserable. Just gonna follow through w all the necessary applications despite the fact that ppl w stellar grades are eyeing on the same spot. Cross my heart and hope for the very best. In the worse case scenario, maybe i'll be second time lucky? |